Dr. Evil is what they called me, and by they I mean everyone. I was the baddest guy in town. Worse than any other villain you could think of. If a child had a balloon, I would pop it. If someone had a lollipop, I would take it before it would hit their mouth. If someone was running, I would trip them. It was especially funny when they were on roller skates. Fun stuff. But I am done with petty jokes. I want to take over and rule the world!
“Um, excuse me Dr. Evil, but would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?” asked Sally. She was my arch nemesis. I didn’t care what people said, she was little but dangerous. She could trick anyone into buying her cookies.
“Never! I see right through you.”
“I don’t know what you mean?” she asked devilish.
“Oh, I think you know what I mean,” I said bending down to her level.
“And I think that you think I think you know what I mean.” For being seven, she sure id know how to confuse me.
“Stop it, I know what you’re trying to do.”
“And what is that?”
“You’re trying to get me to spend my money on your girl scout cookies. Sorry to break the news to you, but I’m not going to. Sorry not sorry.”
“That’s okay. The only reason I’m over here talking to you is because my Mom made me. She felt bad for you, she thinks you’re lonely.”
“Me? I’m not lonely,” I said feeling hurt that anyone would think that. “You know what, I’ll buy a box because I know you’re not making any sales.” I handed her five dollars and was about to grab a box of Caramel Delights when Sally slapped my hand. “Ow! What was that for?”
“For your information, I’ve made plenty of sales. I’ve made about $100 this morning. So, no. You can’t have any cookies.”
“100?” I chuckled.
“What, you can do better?”
“Sounds like a bet.”
“Yeah, I bet you I can sell more cookies than you.”
“I could beat you any day. Deal.” Sally and I set out our cookie stands out next to each other. I could sell way more than her. I was the best villain. “Cookies! Get your cookies!” There was no one coming to my stand. I looked over at Sally’s and she had a line. “What?!”
“What did I tell you?” Sally asked. I couldn’t believe she had a line of customers and I had none. I was going to beat her, no matter what.
It was 3 o’clock and we packed up our stands. “So, how much did you make?”
I had only made $20. I had to make myself look better, so I pulled out some of my money. “$80,” I said proudly.
“Oh, poor baby,” I snickered. “I know some of that is your money.”
“Fine, I only made $20. How much did you make? And no lying.”
“Unlike you, I made a good $515.” What?! “And I believe the $20 you made goes to me,” she said taking the money from my hands. “So now $535.”
“Whatever.” I couldn’t believe she beat me. Told you, she’s evil.
“Here, Dr. Evil,” she said handing me a box of Caramel Delights.
“I don’t want you pitty.”
“Oh, no. It’s not mine, I would never. It’s my Mom again. She just feels really bad for you. You know, since you got beat by a little girl.” I took the box and left. “Have a good rest of your day, Dr. Evil!” she said happily. At least I got a box of cookies out of this. I opened them up and there was nothing in there.
“Aaaahhh!” I was going to get back at her. I didn’t know how, but I was.