Every Thanksgiving my family has a get together, just like every other one on the block. This year was going to be a big one. Basically the whole family tree was going to be there, and reason being because Grandma Penelope was coming back to town after a long six months away. Mom was a little worried for a little while (as was everyone else) because an old lady on her own is not a good combination. She was turning 90 this year, but she didn’t look too bad for a 90 year old. Imagine Betty White. “Kaitlyn, come downstairs! Dinner’s almost ready,” Mom yelled. I turned off my music and headed downstairs toward the amazing smell of turkey and mashed potatoes. I hadn’t eaten anything since 9:30 in the morning. I was going to prepare to devour as much as I could this year. It was a bet between my brother and I to see who could eat more. Thank God for non workout diets today.
“Is Grandma here yet?” I asked Mom.
“If she were here, you’d know,” Uncle Tom joked. And that’s when all 25 of us heard the doorbell ring. “She’s here!” We all ran into the hall to the door and stood there waiting to great her. Mom opened the door and I was not, repeat, was not prepared what I was going to see.
“Hi everyone!” Grandma said excitedly. By the dead silence, I was assuming everyone else had their mouth wide open like mine. Grandma looked like the Playboy girls had dressed her. She was wearing a tight red long sleeve shirt, which was showing her cleavage. Her pants were tight black leather, paired with some cheetah print heel booties. And I was pretty sure she got a boob job, because her’s were perkier than mine and I was high school! She looked like she was 40 again. “Geez, did the cat get all of your tongues?”
“Hey, Mom,” my Mom said nervously.
“Yeah, hey,” Uncle Tom said. “You look… different.”
“Oh, you noticed?” she asked delighted. “I’m so glad you did, I didn’t think anyone would.”
“We noticed,” Dad muttered.
“Come in,” Mom said.
“Actually, I brought a guest. If you don’t mind,” Grandma said.
“No, not at all.”
“Brad, you can come now.” I thought seeing my Grandma look like a Playboy girl was a big enough surprise, but I was wrong. Very wrong.
“Hello everyone,” Brad said. Brad was a piece of work. I was pretty sure he was a model at some point and time with his build and face. I think Aunt Judy almost fainted from seeing him. I had to admit that if I ever got the chance, I’d go on a date with him.
“You must be Brad,” Mom said even more shocked now.
“Yes, and you must be Misty. Am I right?” he asked. Dang, he was good.
“Yes.” I think my Mom’s could have just popped out from all of the surprises Grandma had instore for us. “Are you a caretaker for her?” she asked. He laughed like that was a joke.
“Oh no, sweetie. He’s my new boyfriend,” Grandma said, then turned to Brad and kissed him on the lips. I’m pretty sure I threw up in my mouth when I saw that.
“Well,” Mom said trying to keep herself together. “Why don’t you two come in. Dinner’s almost ready.” And that was the time I saw my Grandma looking like a Playboy girl with a model boyfriend.