I Love you, Mommy

I woke up to the unpleasant sound of the alarm clock at 6:00 AM, like every other morning. Today was worse mornings than most, it marked the sixth year of my son being deceased. I stared at the clock and watched the minutes pass by, soon 30 minutes passed and that’s when I decided to sleep in. During those six years, I had worked my butt off, so sleeping in one Saturday wouldn’t hurt. I turned over so my body was facing the inside of my bed and saw a small body lying next to me. I shot up and all I could do in the moment was stare. It looked like a little boy. I flashed back to that day, when the car accident happened. There was nothing I could do to keep Nikko from dying. I felt so hopeless that day. Since then I wished and prayed it would have been me who’d died. I decided to take matters into my own hands, stop staring at him, and see who he is. I tapped his shoulder and said, “Hello? Is everything alright?” The small boy shifted and turned over facing me. “Oh my God,” I shuddered. It was him, I was seeing Nikko.


“Hi, Mommy,” he said. My heart stopped, I had to be imagining this all. I used to imagine him all of the time, but that was only the first year he passed. How could this be happening again? Maybe this was just a little boy who got lost and wandered in and didn’t know what to do. I never thought it could happen, but you never know.


“Are you lost?” I asked.


“No, Mommy. I’ve come back to visit you.” It sounded just like him.


“What’s your name?” I hoped it were him, but at the same time I wished it weren’t.


“You know that, Mommy. It’s Nikko.” I tear began to roll down cheek in disbelief that this could ever be happening. “Why are you crying, Mommy? He told me this might happen.”


“Who told you?”


“God. He’s the one who let me come for the day. He’s a very nice man.” I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke down and flooded my face with tears. “It’s okay, Mommy, I’m here for you.” He wrapped his arms around me and it actually felt like he was there. The tears came out even more and I couldn’t resist but hug him back. Feeling his warm again was one of the most wonderful feelings I’ve had in a long time.


“Is it really you? Or am I just imagining this all?” I asked desperately.


“It’s real.” More and more tears came out and we hugged tighter. After what felt like an hour, Nikko let go. “He said that I could spend the day with you and we can do anything. So what are we going to do?”


“What do you want to do?”


“Can we go to the park?” Nikko asked excitedly.


I laughed as I wiped my tears away. “Of course.” Like Nikko said, we spent the entire day together. First we went to the park, then the arcade, we swung by the puppy farm, then to the small amusement park, and came home after a long day.


“Today was so much fun!” Nikko exclaimed. We both slumped on the couch and talked about the day. “I’m so happy we got to do this.”


I gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, “Me too, sweetie.”


“But I have to go now.” My smile disappeared quickly.




“Yeah.” I wished this moment wouldn’t have ended so much.


“When will I see you again?”


“Soon. I’m not quite sure when, but soon.”


“I don’t want you to go, sweetie.” We hugged again like we did this morning and I had so much desperation to not let him go.


“I have to go now, Mommy.”




“Shh, it’ll be okay, I promise.” I closed my eyes and continued to hug him. “I love you, Mommy.”


“I love you too, sweetie.”



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